How four real-life households are handling working at home while parenting

So we are still working from home with our kids

My most popular post in April was advice on how to work from home with the kids around at the same time. As a follow-up to that post on April 1, I thought it would be valuable to see how we are all actually getting by, a month later.

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Read about how four real-life households are handling working at home while parenting #workfomhome #workfromhomeparenting #homeoffice

it’s important to share real life stories of how things are working - or not - for others while working from home with kids. #workfromhome #workfromhomeparenting #homeoffice

Survival tips and other advice on working from home and parenting

At times I’m sure you’re wondering, what’s everyone else doing? How are they doing it? Why does that family have it together? (Remember, you might only be seeing their highlight reel.)

But let’s get real. Mom and Dad - I see you. I know this is STILL hard. I think it’s important to share real life stories of how things are working - or not - for others. To see how others are STILL working and parenting through their days.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you can commiserate. Maybe you’ll learn a trick or two.

Working from home with kids seems to be an ever-evolving situation. One thing rings loud and true: schedule, routine, and organization are paramount.

I spoke with friends that work in shifts with their partners. I spoke with friends where both partners need to work full-time through the day at the same time as balancing parenting. I spoke with friends burning the midnight oil just to get their work done.

These are the real-life strategies people I know are implementing to make it through the work day with their kids.
*I’ve changed the names of my friends as requested. They are all professionals in their varied fields, in their mid-to-late 30s, and coincidently all parents of two young children, between the ages of fourteen months and six years old.

*Balancing Working from home with kids is an ever-evolving situation. #workfromhomeparenting #wfh #workfromhomewithkids*

SCENARIO A (We’ll call her Brooke)

The new adventures of working from home - with kids!

“During this pandemic working from home is on a whole new LEVEL,” says Brooke. “Because as you know, I'm not just working from home. I'm parenting a clingy two-year-old who just wants to snuggle on the couch, I'm homeschooling a six-year-old who really just wants to message her friends all day, plus keeping a house somewhat organized, cooking three meals a day, maintaining some type of exercise regime, and the list goes on… I saw this meme right after March break and it said ‘You're not working from home, you're at home during a crisis and trying to work.’ And it just hit me - I need to be a little bit easier on myself, my husband, and the girls.

“After that, I decided no more half-assing everything. At first I was trying to work while [my partner] was working - he has to leave the house to work. But that wasn’t working for me. I was giving parenting 50% and work 50% and I felt like I wasn’t doing anything right. Plus I was getting frustrated with the girls because I was trying to write an email or take a phone call and they just wouldn't give me a second!

The real kicker was when my two-year-old came into my “office” (after I set them up with a snack and a show) during a client Zoom call and announced she had to “poop, RIGHT NOW!” Yep, we needed a new plan.”

the struggle is real. #workfromhomelife #newhomeoffice #workfromhomeparenting

A solid structure

“So [my partner] and I decided that he would go to work extra early for 7 a.m. and would be home by 12:30 p.m. His employer has been super supportive with this schedule. Then I could work from 1-6 p.m. I schedule all my calls for the afternoon and my team knows that I don't answer emails or take calls before 12:30 p.m. It's kind of like my new 5-8:30 p.m. (when I wouldn’t answer emails or calls).

As soon as we came up with that plan, I felt so much better and productive. Actually more productive, maybe because I know I have this smaller window to work, and not all day? This is really working for us and I was actually thinking today I may miss WFH once this is all over. But I doubt it.”

“And it just hit me - I need to be a little bit easier on myself, my husband, and the girls.” -Brooke #workathomeparent #workingfromhome #workinprogress

SCENARIO B (We’ll call them the Smiths)

In some households, splitting the day into shifts is just not possible.

“We’ve actually just had the best week yet where work was a bit quieter for me... but i'm sure that will change next week!” says Ms. Smith.

For the most part, the Smiths’ employers are understanding. “As long as work gets done and deadlines met, they don't care when it’s getting done, if it’s outside of traditional work hours.”

The Smiths are working similar hours as before, starting earlier (no commute!) and ending later (due to more breaks during the day). The Smiths are working at the same time and trading off when they have meetings.

“The kids watch TV or iPads if we both have to be on the phone at the same time. If one of us has to work later to get something finished, the other takes the kids. We are trying to incorporate set times to do school work but it’s tough where we have moving meetings too.”

A typical day for the Smiths have the kids watching TV until 10ish. (She has a meeting that finishes around 10a.m.) “When we’re not on calls or in meetings, we try other activities - homeschool, play with toys, crafts/art, iPad games, then switching back and forth between these activities and TV pretty much every 20 minutes or so for the rest of the day.

“We try to get out for walks and scooter runs during the day. Depending on the weather, the kids will play in the yard or on the deck while we can hear them and work.”

SCENARIO C (Let’s call them Mom and Dad)

A day in the life… this Mom and Dad attempt to work through their day with a routine schedule.

“Our days are as close as I can get to a regular schedule: the kids get us up and if we’re feeling weak we cave right away and they get to watch shows. But usually we all have breakfast together. That way if we both have to work for a period in the morning, they can watch shows for an hour then.

Dad has calls all morning starting at 9 a.m, so I watch the kids in the morning. They often run around the house playing pretend together and dragging a ton of toys with them. We go outside and scooter/bike/play pretty much every morning, though by the time I manage to get them out it’s usually after 11 a.m. and then it pushes lunch later. We come home for lunch and I feed them their daily pasta (or something of the like).

After lunch Dad puts the reluctant youngest (age three) to bed for a nap because it’s the only way we can do the older kid’s (age six) lessons. Dad reads stories etc., and possibly falls asleep. I start school lessons around 2 p.m. Sometimes Dad takes over so I can start working. During and after her lesson Dad often has to answer emails/take calls. We wake the youngest at four and they usually watch shows until supper.

We alternate turns making supper depending how busy with work we are. Then after the kids are in bed (which is aggravatingly late these days) Dad and I often do some work to make up for the less-than-productive day.”

SCENARIO D (We’ll call her Tina)

When you both have very busy jobs to keep up with full-time and two young children, organization is key.

“This is the kids schedule,” shares Tina. “We try and follow it every day, because they are better behaved with the routine. We made it together so the three-year-old understands it.

Structure, schedules, and routine are key to get things done when working from home without childcare. #workingfromhomewithkids #newhomeoffice #setaschedule #keeparoutine

“My partner and I have a chalk board that we fill out every Sunday, for the upcoming work week. We map out who is working when. Usually, I try to work 8 a.m. - noonish, and then [my partner] works the afternoon, then we both work after bedtime to catch up on the extra hours we miss. However, some days are harder than others and we literally have to map out down to the hour who is with the kids, when.

With a 14-month-old, someone has to be with the kids at all times. It’s not like we can give her an activity book and take a call. Our best hours are 11 a.m.- 1 p.m, when the youngest naps and the three-year-old gets lunch and TV time.

We’re tired. I’m up at 6a.m. and turn my computer off at 11p.m. or midnight. My “breaks” are with the kids. We bought a ball pit for our living room. It is brutal but probably the best $100 ever spent. I’d put a bouncy castle in my house if I could fit it.”

Tough conversations

We also had to have conversations with our bosses about how we are going to try our best but likely won’t be able to deliver on things like we normally do; and that there are going to be some meetings we won’t be able to attend.

Luckily both our bosses are very understanding. My boss had our team make a list of:

Everything we had to keep doing
Things we are going to do differently
Things we have to temporarily stop doing

It was a really good exercise. You need to have those discussions with your boss. We just came to the point where we had to get comfortable saying no to some work requests. It is hard to do, but we have no choice.

Overall, we feel lucky we have jobs right now that allow us to keep working and making money. But some days we feel close to the breaking point. Our oldest is really acting out these days. Some days it’s just one big melt down. That is really hard. I’m lucky because my boss has two kids and some others on my team have kids under five so they understand.”

. . .

Thank you to my friends who took time out of their incredibly busy schedules to share how they are maneuvering through their days while working and parenting at the same time from home. It takes a village.

How to work from home and parent at the same time

Structure, schedules, and routine are key
Make a schedule together with both the kids (so they understand the routine) and your partner (so it’s clear who is working when)
Split or structure the day into solids chunks of work sessions vs. parenting time
Schedule all your calls for a set time. Similarly, schedule time where you won’t take calls or answer emails. Let it be known when you can and can’t be reached.
Have the tough and honest conversations with employers re: expectations
Adjust your hours. Start earlier, work later, during what would have been your commute
Maximize productivity during naps and screen time
Send the kids outside where you can hear them or keep an eye on them from a distance while you work
Catch up at night once the kids are in bed

How to get things done with kids around

I came across this article in The New York Times, Turn Your Demanding Child Into a Productive Co-Worker: All it takes are a few lessons from global cultures that raise remarkably cooperative and generous kids by Michaeleen Doucleff. For years she’s been reporting for NPR on cultures from around the world and how they raise their children. One strong similarity she highlights is that in many cultures (Maya, Inuit, the Philippines, and Namibia are a few she mentions) parents do not feel the need to constantly entertain and play with children. Parents give children an opportunity that many American kids do not have — to participate in adult work. While sheltering in place, the author herself successfully goes about teaching her four-year-old daughter to be her co-worker. She goes about her day accomplishing adult tasks — cleaning, cooking and writing — with her daughter along side her.

I suggested this very notion in my first post on working from home with kids: Set up reading time or a writing (or scribbling) workshop, so you can participate in the activity alongside them, doing your own work. I can usually get through a bunch of emails at least. Your kids are now your colleagues. Some food for thought!

What kids can do while parents are working from home

TV
Snapchat / Kids Messenger / Zoom video calls with family or friends
Play with iPad apps/games
School work
Art work and other crafts

“Baths have been key as a mood changer when I need my kid off the iPad, and out of my hair. Snacks and popsicles extend bath time!”—pro-parent tip from my friend J

Up the fun factor for independent play with something new and cool like a living room ball pit. I’ve also seen a rise in newly acquired trampolines and backyard play-sets.
Send the kids outside